"Herro? Hi. Do you have internet I can borrow? I pay you".
What?
"I can please borrow your internet? Is emergency. Please, two week only"...
So that was the extent of the Korean Bandwidth Thief's supplication about four and a half months ago.
She and her posse live up stairs and after considering the torture that I and the guy who used to live here perhaps put them through with our then incessant PlayStaion's Call of Duty 24 hour war rackets, I thought why not help the poor immigrant girl stay connected for a few weeks.
And so, I gave her my wireless router's network password.
Four and a half months then went by with the slowest of internet download times imaginable. I kept getting kicked out of game lobbies, youtube was a slurred disaster, facebook developed Parkinson's, and google went cuckoo.
I must have called the cable company a good 3 or 4 times asking for signal boosts to no avail.
I considered every possible hypothesis my little overactive brain would offer. This included everything from the local crack heads climbing telephone poles and stealing the cables in hopes of finding copper wiring for their glass stems, that Time Warner's Roadrunner had gone lame, snow, rain, and wind.
BUT never, did I question that sweet girl upstairs, who shyly fluttered her wispy dark lashes from above thick black Woody Allen like frames which rested lazily on the end of her pimply oily nose, was to blame for the megabyte theft spree that was occuring..
So, after months of frustration and bandwidth confusion, my friend and I decided to log on to my Linksys router's homepage and check it's log history.
Wouldn't you know that poor immigrant girl who with the half bowed head and lowered glanced who was so willing to pay during her "two week only" emergency, had passed out my password to every single one of her Korean posse up stairs surfing the net on my bandwidth.
To my surprise and there was not one, not two, not three, but four freaking PC's enjoying the merits of my bandwidth, monthly payments and suckering me out of quality internet streaming!
The red-handed proof:
Geez! I mean come on cuntzillas! Kim Jong-il has better ethics than this!
I put a stop to their little party at my expense with the utmost quickness.
The minuet I pulled the plug the scurry of frantic disconnected footsteps running around the apartment had the building's foundation shaking harder then Michael J. Fox telling tongue twisters in thong at Wasilla, Alaska in January.
I would love nothing more than to go up there and give them a piece of my mind but I won't. Internet café's I assume will be enough torture at $3.00 per 10min session.
BUT, if she should come down here again with some woe-to-me story, she is going to get to see the side of me that comes out to play when the carotid swells.
She'll then wish she were instead facing a fucking North Korean tribunal.
LMFAO....my landlord in Queens did that with my cable, then when time warner came they had the nerve to yell at the cable guy and threaten him for disconnecting it from their 4 boxes they had it spilt to in 3 different apts upstairs. He called the police on them. TRICKY TRICKY asians
Mario,
Words of wisdom for the sake of promoting growth:
It is rather unfortunate that the world is full of such selfish individuals, of which I have an unfortunate and uncanny polar magnetic attraction to. Yet, the universe is set on infinitely teaching me lessons in tolerance, of which tricky-tricky assholes are by far our greatest teachers.
I would imagined that I would have gone ape-shit and taken Mr. Wong-Take-Fool to court and have sued his ass for several future months of credit towards free rent and later made it a point to ask him if he knew what was playing on HBO that evening every time I found my self sharing an elevator car with him.
However, unlike the bad taste that egocentric idiots and nattō leave in my mouth, I am overtly fond of Asians, which encompass huge hetero and homogeneous populations, cultural identities, phenotypes, and moral /ethical standings, except for that of the tricky ones of course.
Those I am alright with karma reincarnating as queasy dung beetles many times over.
So in respect of the Asian demographic, let’s not typecast or box-in (God knows that I am tired of it being done to Hispanics) our Asian brethren for the sake of an insensitive laugh, Let’s us make it about trick-tricky assholes instead.
I know it’s easy to forget simple little rules like this. God knows that I constantly am at fault for similar mishaps and ethnic/ sexist comments for God knows that in context they can be rather funny, but in practice also very hurtful.
However, the purpose of life in my opinion is not about being good but rather taking every opportunity to be better.
I always for example considered Orthodox Jews to be incredibly serious and unapproachable until one day while sitting next to a Hasidic Rabbi, sporting a fuzzy kolpik, on a Manhattan bound subway ride from Brooklyn that was going nowhere fast.
I remember being very agitated and confessed my deep annoyance to him. He told me that “it could be worst and that even a very bad situation as such could suddenly turn for the better”. I responded with a cynical, “yeah I guess but I like to see that happen”.
So he answered me by saying: “Have you heard the one about the Catholic priest, Buddhist monk, and Rabbi who walked into a bar?”
He then smiled and said nothing more for I was already laughing so hard and in disbelief, that a punch line was unneeded.
He made my day and thought me to always question my preconceived opinions.
My some-asian envy is is if i too only the knew how to block out the world unless it suits me. And think comics are better than doubt.
:)