She Who Slumbers

As some of you may know from past entries, I have recently moved into a new...what was it that I called it? Oh, yes, an "oasis from where the muses via dreams shall inspire".

However, a mention needs to be made of the O.C.D. muses who have inspired the Japanese girl who resides above me to torment me with her over the top complaints.

Her behavior merits and invokes words akin to the Middle Low German noun kunte for the female pudenda.

She is apparently hypersensitive to sounds of any kind, television, music, dishwashing, conversation, laughter, breathing, etc. etc.

She has systematically asked us to please keep down the noise at all sorts of varying hours of the day. 8:30pm, 9pm, 12 am, 1:30am, 7am, you name the time and she has either came down, called the landlord and or banged on the floor.

Can you believe that we went to bed the other night at midnight and woke up at 7am. Guess who was at the door at 7:30 ready to bid us everything but good morning? She had in her hands the white noise machine I'd lent her a few nights ago to help wash out some of our consequential sounds of living.

There seems to be no winning. I asked her roommate about the situation and she stated that her "roommate really likes things quiet". She included the addition of wide eyes and a vocal stretch emphasis on the word really; perhaps, in an indirect way of conveying annoyance for her roommate's antics reminiscent of the old KMB's neighborly ways. Who knows?

You should see her when she comes down with all of her ridiculous head wraps and complaints of "banging in her head".

She had a Tempurpedic pillow Fed-exed to her yesterday. Didn't help.

She is an unfortunate mess but what am I to do?

The problem is not as easily dismissed by what is noise for some is music to others. Because trust me I sympathize for her and her very attuned, sensitive and consequently tired but nonethelesss over alert condition.

Yet to observe a complete compassionate state of existence solely in observance of her needs would equate to living like Anne Frank in Nazi occupied Amsterdam.

It turns out that my kitchen and living areas are directly beneath the soundproof lair she has attempted to created for herself.

We work mostly nights. I promote. Half the rent is paid by a bartender/ actor who at times needs to rehearse lines. What are we to do when our schedules are her complete opposite and we too want to be able do things which our rights as tenants guarantee such as watching the T.V. set at a resonable level or speaking without whispering so as not to unleash the wrath of she who slumbers?

I will tell you how because we were fortunate enough to be given the formula by her boyfriend yesterday at 1:30am. He stated that we should.......(drum roll)....... "resort to watching our programs on mute as it is not their fault that we are not part of the 90% majority who labor during daylight hours".

There were a lot of thoughts that came to mind:

Huh? Are you fucking kidding me? Do you even live here? Do you have any idea how much rent we pay? Do you have suggestions that do not sound as absurd as your Dada anti-stylish post Seattle grunge esthetic happens to look? Are you aware of my rights? Did you just listen to anything you just said? Have you ever had your white ass kicked by a Hispanic male?

We decided that this would be the last straw. We have dealt with her individual needs for much too long at the expense of our own.

We responded today by writing out a long note which we posted on the wall conveying a piece of our minds. In short we stated that we would lower the t.v. after 10 but not mute it and that whispering would not be happening anytime soon unless a secret were being shared.

We suggested ear plugs, sleeping pills, thick insulated carpeting...everything short of moving to the country which would perhaps in her case not be such a bad idea.

We also suggested she call the police, which we already had to ensure we were in the right, rather than torment us further with her visits. It was explained to us that so long as we were not being rowdy past 10, we were not responsible for the thinness or lack of insulation of the floors.

We figure that if she ends up calling as often as she bangs the floor we might get lucky and she arrested. My landlord promises to find her other accommodations very soon.

How soon is now? I love that song...anyway

We too, mind you, are at the mercy of the thin floors and have the pleasure of hearing them every time they walk in or out of the building, at times akin to a stampeed of wildebeests, which happens quite often as all the girls (we are the only guys in the building) are chain smokers who don't like to do so indoors.

An example was at 3 something this morning when it sounded like a body was being dragged (crosses fingers) around up stairs when I happened to be asleep but incidently not for long.

I can't wait to see what tomorrow night will bring. More banging? New pleasantly hearing impaired neighbors? Officer friendly? The grungy boyfriend? A civil dispute?