Quasi R.E.M. 'nants

I finally get a day off. Do I look tired, because I feel tired? I rather have slept till 3 in the afternoon but of course there are a thousand and one impending tasks that have accumulated on my to-do list. Such as the Oral presentation I will have to give in 5.5 hours which I am not prepared for or even started working on for that matter. I have become accustomed to working (living) under pressure. I fucking hate it. I started grinding my teeth in my sleep two weeks ago ever since I learned that, well, it doesn't really matter what I learned. The point is that my new-old stressors are an unfortunate reality. Every now and again for intervals throughout the day they are momentarily forgotten. When they are remembered, I get sudden anxiety attacks and my mind begins to race. This is especially true when I attempt sleep. It is as if all the impending life crap suddenly surges in the grey matter and my little brain-cell synapses are bombarded by electrical storms. I jump out of sleep maybe two or three times during the night and find myself shaking as one part of my brain is still lost in semi R.E.M. mode and the other part is trying to get control of my shaking limbs. I no longer know where to find resolution, I search for it internally but I know that the answers are in the physical realm of things outside of my control. I am depressed and know that I have been so for a long time now.

Last night, I dreamt that I made love to a beautiful woman, an oddity that I greatly enjoyed. The dream was so vivid. In my dream all my five senses were at their height. I remembered the smell of her hair, the wetness of her small heaving breasts as beads of sweat rolled down their middle, the saltiness of those beads that I lapped with my tongue from her small brown nipples. I especially remember how she felt inside, the heat that wrapped itself around my organ and it’s tightness as I went in and out of her. Climax came with her straddled well shaped legs wrapped around the low of my back. We were both sitting upright and heaving heavily as she whispered my name over and over again in short breaths.

I awoke confused, without her and in need of tissue. The only thing real was my shortness of breath, my surroundings, the pain in my jaw from the involuntary grinding of my teeth, and the cold wetness of my dream state R.E.M.-nants.