Then & Now

They sat across from each other wearing colorful cotton pajamas and tang tops. They ate a homemade shrimp dinner which included steamed white rice from the Chinese takeout spot down the street while watching a sitcom on T.V. Every smile had meaning then, they were inseparable, or so they wanted to believe. Whenever they were left unsupervised they played games and incited arousal. His father walked in to the livingroom and they were interrupted, momentarily. The three of them sat and watched TV on the sofa together sharing laughs. His head was nestled comfortably on a shoulder as a silent affirmation of love.

During a commercial break, they each found excuses for which to be excused and found their way down stairs. Below, they found each other in a not so roomy closet were they feverishly kissed and undressed one another. He wrapped himself from behind, laced his arm under the armpit and cupped the back of the neck for leverage and theatrics.

Theatrics were always important to them and would help them in the future pretend to be fine, not in doubt, and even more regrettably, out of love. Not that day however. That day love guided them, united them and bound them to desire, which engulfed them in the heat of that humid out of reach closet, where they frantically slide into each other and bite down on fingers or shoulders to keep quiet. Beneath the heat of a 100 watt bulb, they simultaneously penetrated each other. One with his sex, both piercing the heart of the other whom never before, neither understood nor trusted, perhaps even now, notions of love, just another one of their many similarities.

It was there that they fucked one another, because it was clear that this was not something that they wanted to label love-making, love was implicit. This however, was effectively and purposefully, a matter of fuck. And so they did faster and harder, suckling on ear lobes and biting down fingers white, to contain the agitation of their organs and pierced hearts, a secret.

Afterwards, goose pimpled and breathing heavily amidst the scents of sweat, saliva, orgasm, humidity, and cigarettes, they held each other and laughed together as loud as they could without being heard or disclosing guilt. They rested their weight against the wall and shelving, easing the burden of their now weak knees, still inside, sharing pulses, laughs and familiar scents before ascending the steps, pretending nothing happened and catching up where they left off. It would become harder for them to do that in the future, catching up where they left behind, that is. They would learn, some would say conform, to no longer feel the need to share stares, laughs, pulses, and would learn to pierce the heart in a much different manner. They would learn to do without those things but continue to be quite good at pretending nothing happened.