"Trim-Spa Baby"
I asked God for a six-pack the other day. He misunderstood and answered with a six-pack of beer that a friend brought over. Six hundred plus calories later, or about two beers, the extra padding on my mid section didn’t bother me as much and I was feeling a whole lot better. I usually like me but my air of confidence was getting shabbier and I flabbier. It all started around that winter when I would go out and people would say stuff like, “Wow you got bigger”, “Damn son, what happened,” or, my favorite was something or the other about that what happens when one gets married. It kind of sucked when my little brother, who thinks of me as the best thing since sliced bread and who I got into working-out, said, “Damn your fat, What happened?" He then made some unforgivable comment about me getting old while he caressed by belly and made me think of Buddha. I gave him my squinty-eye look. Other people were harder to disregard as easy. It seems like people, regardless of their feudal class standing, mainly queens, can often put a lot of pressure on an individual. This is especially so when they expect you to look a certain look forever. But you can’t be the boy on the flyers forever, right? I remember eight months ago when not-to-slim-himself was getting all his crap out of my house and before leaving, turned around and said, “No one is going to want your fat ass anyway.” I wanted to sumo wrestle his ass into a body slam but I cringed, he won and it was said, done and effective. In my head I played the scene, a hundred times, of how he would one day pass my by and think, “DAMN! I've played that well directed take several times always smiling and thinking, “Wait and see.” For a while, my yummy-tummy on the other hand was distraught and hated me for the month of feel-good anxious eating that tends to comes in times of stress. My best friends were the Keebler Elves and all the honey Teddy Grahams that hibernated in my belly. I ate and ate and then summer came and the proverbial party mixer had all kinds of show-the-yummy-tummy events that I secretly dreaded going to. Am I the only one who thinks a little belly is cute? For the record my honest belief is that the answer is, “apparently.” Everyone wants a Tiger (Tyson -Chicken patties are good right….Sorry I don’t like his work. It’s not believable and people like that are not the norm. Some of us have dental coverage; I really hope you’re laughing, moving on) The straw that broke the camel’s back was a certain individual we will call Miss Dumb-bell, for reasons of 3rd party anonymity which I like to maintain, whom I went out on a date with a while back. I remember I was happy go lucky because I thought this dumb-ass was cute and asked for my number. Then the special day came and at dinner my date suddenly caught a case of verbal diarrhea. First mistake said was, “I remember you being taller and I like my guys a little fitter and more built.” Thanks for nothing. Why would you ask me out on a dinner date, while on your drunken stupor, and then make me feel self conscious about ordering desert? The cherry on top came as I ate and dwelled in my screw-you-I-am-having-the-chesses-cake-anyway moment, which was interrupted by an evil, “Do-you-really-think-you-need-that” comment. What a dumb ass jerk. I still got a blow-job and didn’t even hint at caring to reciprocate. The favor was return in the form of never getting a call back. Then, one day while sporting a tang-top and fitted jeans, the Puerto Rican Jenny Craig bumped into me and said, “Wow, have you been working out? We should go on a date.” Quick witted as I am, I Krashed her moment and said, “No.” “Why?” you ask, I replied, “Well because last time we went out you were too concerned with my looks and diet, meanwhile you were the one doing all the swallowing.” It was a Kodak moment for sure. I thought, “Swallow that. Bitter aint it?” It probably was not as bitter as that last comment made Miss. Dumb-Bell but such stupidity should come well rewarded and certain trophies, be put in their place. I revel in that little victory when ever Miss Dumb-bell gawks my way and I the other.
So chill out people and enjoy the Sweet & Low in life, because there is so much Splenda better things around, and if mean skinny people don’t Equal to your happiness, then just remind them of how much they saccharine and that you keep it real.
lets just hope anna nicole smith dont read about your "trim spa" she might call you drunk and not know why she called lol
hey yusef, been reading ur entries over the past few months and this one by far, has kept me in stitches all morning. maybe miss dumb-ass didn't realize the high LDL-cholesterol level of "white". great photos by the way! i loved them 4rth of july shots btw! i breezed by pretty much all of ur entries and admire ur vision. u coulda been here at the mtl jazzfest for more interesting shots, too! looking foward to reading u. one - -
Hey Yusef... don't worry about what other people think about you, trust me you look hella good, and I too love a little belly. As for whoever made that comment to you about "nobody's gonna want your fat ass anyway" well, that's just plain stupidity on their part. I would have you any day.
OMG your not fat you look good Yusef.....and as for Miss Dumb-Bell it her lost........=)
I don't think I am fat Jasin. I am just saying that I had a Little Buddha jelly belly that didn't placate to everyone’s taste. So I went from a, "hi, aren't I cute, to a, nah- he is not going to like me." Now as revenge to the ones who will have their plumper day, and because I am thirty and I got to maintain, because shit can start getting real ugly. I figure that I have another 30-40 years before everything starts hurting, my balls hang to my knees, Botox is no longer an option and I spend 12 hours a day on a reclining Lazy-Boy. (Yes that is my plan)
Ed:
Ha ha @ "the high LDL-cholesterol level of "white".
C'était génial!
Montreal, Quand?
O.K. On y va! ......lol ....J/K
Je non suis pas capotÃ. I have too many bills to think about travling. Je suis désolé.
Combien coûte le billet?
Ca va
Isn't that true people are quick to comment not realizing that they won't maintain the look forever but when you live in such a superficial environment what else can you expect well as for me im having the same little buddha belly syndrome but not to worries I leave for bootcamp August 9th so at the end of Naval bootcamp it should be gone lol
thx, Good luck in bootcamp.
allo yusef!
c'est incroyable comment tu peut ecrire en francais aussi. tu as des talents caché, j'imagine! ca me trippe comment tu as dit que t'était capo-TAY! lol. et pour t'informer, ca coute pas trop chère pour un billet greyhound ou voyageur. il y'a toujours un special nyc-montreal pour $75! en plus, il y'a toujours des festivals et evenments durant l'été ici a montreal. viens les voir! ca sera un plaisir de les voirs ensemble. ed (that montreal cat)
HAHAHAHAHAHA you are to much!
p.s. I like the " Little Buddha " belly (even those its far from it)-wink-
Oui, talents beaucoup! ha ha ha.
$75! Pas mal, non? ...and everyday, not bad at all.
ca va
Ay please........... you are no where near fat nor chubby your just right and fuk wat people say cause anybody who tries to put you down is just cause they have thier own insercurities and thats the way they deal..........when eva u feel down bout urself just holla at ur boi ill make it feel better..........lol ENVIED BY ALL HATERS
i have been in that situation before. your insecurities come out and your immediate reaction is to change your image to please others. don't bother. there are plenty of good looking people who are willing to accept you for who you are. he's lucky you stood around to have the cheesecake. i would have changed the conversation and mentioned how tired i was from a long day at work. the date would have officially ended even before the dessert menu had been served. don't change for anyone. f*** him. take care bro.
I am not changing for anyone nor ever planned to. I just happen to still love my chesscake and also look like this. By the way, I always like the way I looked, even buddah belly cute. I just think I look a tad bit sexier now. Just a lil bit, enough to make some of them hoes say, "Damn, I slipped!" lol
I usually get my little winter layer and shed it in the summer.
It keeps me warmer.
Oh yeah, did I mention that I love a good fucking beer? None of that Mexican piss water either. (yeah that one) They should stick to Patron or anything with agave. And especially non of that lite crap. Its made out of fucking oats for Christs sake. Why would you take out the carbs?
Anyway:
I think its the bike riding, the rollerblading or the stronzata buss boy workout that making it happen. I also have that Gym membership that I hardly get to use. Other then that, bring the dessert cart around please.
Listen its all good.Some people are just excuse my french assholes.Yes society places a big role on how an idividual must look and think in order to fit the "cool" status.But dunt be fooled the biggest critic you will always have is yourself.You alone can destroy youself or make something of the situations, which you clearly did and i believe its great that you did.The way i see it is people are gona talk regardles of wether your Mr GQ or sum bum of the street but what can set you apart from the 'it' crowd is how well you take the situation and find a way to manipulate it towards your favor and in the end only you can look back and smile :-)