My morning bloodshots
Yesterday was an incredibly hard day for me. Wow, talk about bodily abuse. I spent all day carrying heavy stuff and running around non stop. I had two fifteen minuet meal breaks during my 16 & 1/2 hours of torture. Both meals were enjoyed on my feet and interrupted by little errands that required instant bus boy attention. I think that the hardest part of the day the was bringing in and out, of bases for three giant umbrellas that we have put on the sidewalk eating area. They weight about 70lbs each and guarantee a sore back to anyone who braves moving them. People as always are super cheap and unaware that surviving in a $3 an hour job, is really based on their gratuity. I had a few 2-3 dollar tips from happy customers who had bills well over 80 plus dollars. I try not to get upset and imagine that they are perhaps undergoing difficult times themselves, and that perhaps this meal was a feels-good splurge sacrifice on their part. But, it is still an ouch-moment. I got home at around 1:30am. I couldn’t just yet go to sleep because I had to hand-wash my uniform and put it out to dry so that I could have something clean to wear to work today.
I got seven hours of sleep, which were interrupted by nightmares. The first dream although bad, it didn’t qualify as a nightmare, it dealt with my now obsolete once thought of soul mate. We were in a Veterinarian’s office and he was holding a white small puddle like dog, with eyes that were stained with dark brown circles around them. The dog kept barking at me non stop. He was there to give it up for adoption or something. I told him that the dog just needed a shampoo and he replied that, “No the dog is just as easy to hate as you are.” It was weird because I kept trying to save the dog as it barked at me profusely, and trying not to feel wounded by the really mean commentary being dished out. At some point I left the Vet’s and looked back and I think I saw him wiping his face and wondered if it was a tear and whether it was meant for me or the mean little dog. At the moment the balcony door was slammed shut by a strong wind that roused me with a jumped. Weird right?
The second was of a guy in his twenties and his little brother who I waited on in some dreamscape restaurant. After, their meal they went outside and seemed to be in need of assistance. When I went outside to help I was surrounded by a group of their friends who wanted to rob me and ended up stabbing me in the chest a few times. I remember holding on to a fence that I used to drag myself along the floor. I cried and asked them to please not do this because it would kill my mother and that she wouldn’t be able to afford a funeral. Bloody, with difficulty breathing and dragging my self on the floor, all I could think was of Mami’s pain and of how to survive this for her sake. (I just got a bit of teary eyed, anyway…) I was totally ok with losing the life battle but not alright with my family’s pain. Towards the end of my dream I actually asked God to please not do this because I knew they had just purchased a home that needed repairs. I awoke with a jolt and sat up feeling my chest for wounds. My heart was still pierced but the cuts weren’t present.
I am not sure why I am having nightmares lately but they keep coming. The day before, I dreamt that I lost my family to a train wreck. I wondered around the disastrous debris looking for any signs of them and thinking, “Oh, God now I definitely am going to be all alone in this world.” I woke up in a panic. It was around 1am; I went out in my PJ’s to the corner deli bought three beers and gulped them down in the balcony, knowing fully well that I needed to sleep in order to wake up rested in four hours.
Any dream interpreters or Freudian scholars out there? If so please let me know what all these weirdo dreams might signify.
I awoke to a truly beautiful bright day. On the not so bright side, my cell phone service was cut-off today but they are going to have to wait for the balance due. Apparently, when ever I use the cell in the downstairs of the restaurant, the charge falls under a roaming charge. So my otherwise 40 dollar plan is a $230.00 one because I wasn’t upstairs. Can you believe that crap? As if I needed anymore hardships at the moment. Worst yet, is that all of the resumes, cover letters and all the time I spent writing them during these last two weeks, only provided that number. Meaning, that if a stroke of luck were coming my way, it would not be able to find its way home. Damn it! I hate being disconnected from the outside world! Scared of losing internet service as well I called the cable company who agreed to not cut off my internet service so long as I paid of my balance in small installments, which is a blessing worth being thankful of. But, I still think that $60 a month for internet service is way too expensive. AOL is probably next because I don’t use any of the chat room or other features, besides Instant Messenger is free and I can probably run my AC at will for that price. I need to start thinking about moving out and finding a roommate but my last experience with that was very challenging. I not going to get into that because that’s a whole 3 to 4 paragraphs and I got to start getting ready for work. Not looking forward to work I reminded myself that it was the Fourth so hopefully there would be a lot of big tip wielding tourist to make up for yesterdays chump change. I ran off to work and got to Tribecca about thirty minuets early only to learn that they actually wouldn’t need me because they would be closing the restaurant early due to the low holiday patronage traffic. “Didn’t you get our message on your cell phone today,” they asked. Darn! If only the phone company had waited till tomorrow to cut me off.
So, I lost sleep, needlessly hand washed a uniform by hand in the wee morning hours, lost a day’s pay and two subway fares and all I got was a lousy prosciutto sandwich out of it.
The universe has definitely provided me with a very difficult lesson that I welcome with quasi welcoming open arms. So if you’re feeling down Remember your blessings and look past all the small stuff because there is much to be thankful for, like not having to carry 70lbs umbrella bases, (insert laugh here) and of course the happiness that’s waiting right around the bend.
To whom it may concern,
I thought I was done getting burned
Love or lust can hurt when it enters without words
Oblivious though, are unperturbed high soaring birds,
But you meet your match,
There is someone you can not even catch
You never were alone
only removed from things you use to like so much
like cherubs singing while you light a dutch
Arrogance can be so cruel when it comes back to haunt you
Where you once fluttered your wings begin to falter, oh you feel so blue
What is there to do when you cease to impress with the things you have abused
The heart is bruised
Civility needs to be infused
So you return to the things you took for granted and find happiness once again in the things that you got over and made you feel you were so above the rest
I can attest
Feeling depressed,
Obsessed,
And possessed
When I cease to impress
To whom it may concern
I’ve been burned.
Alright now, primero, how much vitamin B12 you taking? Mira, para mi, lo que yo entiendo es que te sientes bien inestable ahora, y eso se refleja en tus sueños. Estás perdiendo muchas cosas que estás acostumbrado de tener o que te hace sentir estable - estás preocupado que eso va a seguir. Y que las cosas que pierdas va a seguir hasta que lleguen a las más significantes/importantes de tu vida. Hasta que pueda llegar a ti mismo o tu familia. Ese poodle estaba intentando decirte algo... Those brown circles under his eyes - similar to your bloodshot eyes from over-working. You've seen this before, basically, and you know its no good for you, y el perro was trying to remind you. The restaurant and the customers there - well you work in one and those are the people you dealing with all day - for right now anyways. The home needing repairs - to me it sounds like that is very significant... something going on in you... you are your house... Piensa en ese poodle - por que ahí está la clave de ese sueño, yo creo. How much debris was there in the dream with the train accident? Your mother can't afford a funeral or you can't? Creo que tu puedas interpretar los sueños si pienas bien en ellos... and they should help you figure out what you got to do to get away from all this stress... prueban que tu conciencia ya sabe. Recuerda, ningun sueño no es una maldacion!
My heart feels for you so much! I really wish there was something I could do to make it a just a little better...
Thank you Pete,
Question: How did everything turn out with Felicia?
I’ve been analyzing my own dreams for a long time and I think I got a handle on the symbolism and the events that happen in them, so I can at least understand and realize what I am going through. You are your best teacher. I read a couple of books on them too what they mean, so I am going to try and take a stab at this.
Dream #1: The dog represents a few things: the dog represents the relationship you had. The color white represents the pureness to your relationship. The size of the dog however, is a toss-up. It could mean how fragile the relationship was and that anything could have went wrong or the relationship wasn’t as large or in the scope you or him saw it was. The Vets office represents not only a setting, but it represents an idea on how to fix things. When something is wrong, we look to professional help. i.e. doctors or specialists. In this case it was a Vet. Since you are an cat lover, you would think it would have been one, but cats are different than dogs. Dogs are loyal to a point and can shift depending on who’s nice to them. Where cats have only loyalty to themselves. Just a thought. Well enough of the sidebar. He wasn’t there to give up the dog for adoption. You don’t go to Vets for that. He was either there to put the dog to sleep or at least trying to fix what was wrong with it. You felt that things could be easily repaired (the shampoo) and that’s all that was needed to fix the ugliness of it all. He obviously didn’t want to repair what was wrong and instead hated the dog (the relationship) for what it was (you and him) and where it stood in your lives. The crying/the tear represented a way of letting go. Notice of all the dreams, you didn't cry here. His tear was for both you and the dog. You mentioned before that you were not able to give someone what he wanted because you were not capable of a relationship at this point. I don’t know what you went through, but I going to assume that he cried, because he knew that to be true because at this point you and the dog were both non-repairable. The door slamming of course was to show the abruptness of how it ended. Just like that. Open and shut like it didn’t even exist. This unsettles you and I think you need to talk to him. I think there’s something you haven’t said to him that you need to get off your chest.
Dream #2: Clearly the two patrons represent two things: the men in your life and the place you are hatting, both are necessary evils at this time. The fact that you mentioned that you saw one in their twenties and the other younger, this could mean that you have an affinity towards younger and possibly immature and inexperienced men that causes undue and unjust drama in your life. That could be a downfall for you or at least a weakness to slightly younger guys because you don't see it. The restaurant is of course where you work and the place you hate. To you it’s your hell/prison. It’s not where you want to be. It’s no exactly the best thing. It’s very hard, demanding work. Coupled with the men in your life, they are killing you mentally and tiring you out physically, thus the stabbing. These things are hurting you. The busboy job is getting to you and it’s destroying your basic needs i.e. cable, phone, etc. Some things we take for granted until they’re no longer present. You felt sad and prayed not for you life, but for the support of your family. How will they go on without you? Clearly they put a lot of faith in you and their dreams of success are with you. You feel you could be failing them in someway. You were less concerned with your life and more concerned that you would not be able to assist them in their time of need. Or the house is really you. You need repairs. It all stems from a sense of helplessness and loss of control. Your life isn’t yours anymore. It’s something else and you feel unable to change it.
Dream #3: The train disaster is another multi-layered symbol. For one and most importantly, represents that ultimate feeling of being alone in this world. Your family is there, because they are the one constant love in your life. Without them, this life wouldn’t be worth it. If you lost them, there’s nothing and no one left to love you. Were you searching for something else? If you remember, was there anyone else there? No random guy or someone you loved once? You going through the debris is wadding through the destruction (your life) to see if there’s anyone/love left. Something you can hold on to. Not a body, but something that would show one iota of love for you. It seems you don’t even have that now. That train wreck is the exact manifestation of your fear of either not having love/finding love. Each relationship or each time we fall in love, a piece of you disappears when the other person leaves. If there are no more pieces left? What do you then? You can rebuild your heart. Which only means you are capable of loving, but you’re either looking for the right one to love or can’t love at this moment for fear of heartbreak. And besides with all the things that is going on with you, a relationship might be complicated due to your overwhelmed feelings of despair in other areas. You won’t be able to give 100% if 95% of yourself is trying to get grounded again. So it’s good that you avoid it for the time being, but don’t be so turned off to it. What it sounds like is that would like someone who will love you unconditionally and not by the aesthetics. You can love. Someone just has to prove you wrong. Show you that people are not assholes and puppeteers pulling the strings of love as they see fit.
All of this is your soul telling you something; giving you clues on how to fix what’s wrong. Dreams usually are the stuff that's floating in our subconscious, or fears that we're afraid to surface or actualize, because we can’t deal with the face of them, so the face changes to be more suitable for translation. Thus the setting and symbols that occur. That’s why dreams don’t always appear so logical and straightforward as say a wet one. =) When you figure out and realize certain things and you get your life turned around again there will be no more stabbings, train wrecks and dying dogs – I promise.
So Yusef, this is what I am seeing... I think the dream about the white poodle with the dark circles around his eyes is a look into your future. Somewhere in the future you will find yourself with your soulmate, lover, partner "whatever you want to call it" and his dog at Veterinarian’s office. Both of you will have a very tough decision to make! This is very weird, but will become a reality as someone you are in touch with now and share an attraction to has the same type of dog you dreamed about. Weird huh? I thought so too...
Pete
P.S. Felicia? Wrong Pete Buddy! ;-)
Well guys, here’s the really weird & spooky part….Ready?
So while driving back from the 4th of July party my best friend, who still keeps in contact with the ex mentioned that he saw him to day for the first time in a long time. I told him about my recent bad dream. He looked at me with an ending-of-the-Sixth-Sense look and says, “OH MY GOD!” In freaked out rushed words he explains that my description of that dog describes my ex-honey bunny’s new dog to the letter. I didn’t believe him but his goose pimpled skin and air of urgency made me quickly give in. I don’t know who wanted to cry more me or him. Everything got quiet in the car and every now and again he’d ask if I were o.k. He later broke the silence by asking me in a panic manner had I any dreams of him lately and we both shared a good laugh. But getting back to the subject.
Imagine that. Coincidence, am I a distant cousin of Miss Cleo’s, or is the universe far more complex then we imagine it to be? I dreamt of a dog that’s real and I never seen belonging to the very person who wielded it in my dream….
Yes, my son, you did dream of a dog that is real, but it's not the person you think it is! The dog belongs to someone else that you have not even met yet! Now here is the real "weird & spooky part". Although you have never met this special person, you have already connected...
In bad Jamaican accent thinks:
"Call meee now." :0)
OMG! THIS REALLY BROKE MY HEART. I FELT TEARS WELLING IN MY EYES..AS WELL AS WHAT FELT LIKE A KNOT FORMING IN MY THROAT. YOU HAVE SUCH AN AWSOME GIFT 2 WRITE.....I COULD SEE EVRYTHING UNFOLDING BEFORE ME AS YOU BEGAN 2 TALK OF YOUR DREAMS AS WELL AS WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. YUSEF...YOU MAKE THE READER INVOLVED WETHER U KNOW IT OR NOT. I WANTED 2 REACH MY HANDS THRUOGH THE SCREEN AND HOLD YOU..(MY BAD.THAT SOUNDS A LIL.YOU ,KNOW....)BUT I FELT FOR YOU...YOU MADE ME THANK GOD FOR WHAT I DO HAVE.....IM HERE ORANDO QUE DIOS TE BENDIGA. I MAY SEE YOU THE NEXT TIME I COME 2 NY.WHICH SHOULD BE NEXT WEEKEND. I WILL GO AND EAT WHERE YOU WORK AND I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH SOME NICE GRATUITY.....I KNOW HOW IT IS 2 GO THROUGH.MY HEART GOES OUT 2 U(TOUCHING MY HEART).........COJELO SUAVE......