Recently in thoughts Category

There's a fine line separating the state of holding-on from that of letting-go.

It is a very fine and grey line, but nonetheless there, dissecting, disconnecting, dividing, creating a this-and-that, a here and there, perhaps even a now and then.

Why is it so easy to physically change the state of things in but a millionth of a second's time and yet mentally that millionth of a second so often instead transforms into what seems an eternity?

Why do we hold on and what is it that prevents us from letting go?

Conversely, what drives us to let go and why ever feel the need to hold on?

Do we stifle ourselves with the holding part or free ourselves by letting go?

Does holding on equate to safety and letting go to callousness...

-Or-

...is it cowardice by he who holds and bravery by who opts to bare no strings?

Alas, it's not as simple a thing as black & white, much more complicated than a play on words, and ultimately a matter of time, a millionth of a second stretched out an eternity, as one pretends to dangle over a world that lies beneath their faltering feet.

John asked:

"What now? What am I supposed to do with what I know, what I have seen, what I have tasted, what I have felt?"

My reply:

Continue to process and own those experiences for they are uniquely yours and no one else's. Because when John looks in the mirror, he likes what he sees and such an image would never be had you not tumbled, been stepped on, made or had someone else choose all those instances of your life that make your experience uniquely yours.

Be John, Stay John, Live John.

The message is universal. Make it your own.

This month as many of you know, New York City will host its annual AIDS Walk.

I reached out to a huge pool of email contacts regarding my fundraising endeavors and not all of the responses that I received were on a positive or apologetic I-can’t-give-this-year note.

This was one of the worst and angriest of replies I received:

F**king deplorable, is it not? One must truly dig deep within to find the quiet tolerant and compassionate self willing to forgive the trespasses of one as ignorant, angry, or self hating as the person capable of concocting, adopting and spreading such stigmatic views.

I have dedicated thirteen years to research, empowering/educating, advocating and providing services to those affected regardless of gender, identity, creed, background or orientation. I would provide this idiot with the same level of care if he walked into my office tomorrow. Unfortunately for him salvation is not my department; fortunately by the same token I also do not wield the power to cast lightning.

Zap!

I went to the outlet malls upstate and drooled over all sorts of unnecessary goods probably manufactured in Third World sweatshops. All I really needed was a pair of boots but…they had to be Timberlands and after that was said-and-done, I ended up leaving with a little more.

My family came here with nothing and for the most part we are maybe one or two paychecks away from the same which is a scary notion once so immersed in the American dream; or over-consumption nightmare depending on one’s personal stand.

Yet, it is that very question of over-consumption that usually beckons and remains unanswered, because in the context of my assimilated dream, my culture has become one of freedom, freedom to shop for as much as I want so long as I have the money or credit line to do so.

The previous is the attitude of a greater percentage of Americans, those with myopic views too wrapped up in ethno-egocentricities. As it is, America consumes 25% of global resources, meaning that our steadfast way of life accounts for a quarter of worldwide consumption and we only account a small portion of the earth's population.

Materialism to en extent equates to a certain level of security but quality of life is not to be confused with lifestyle. When do we as immigrants forget our humble beginnings and adopt material hording, senseless consumerism, and material status quos as a steadfast way of life? Does the mall-rat syndrome affect us immediately or is the whitewash process a slow one?

In all honesty, I have never shied away from an unneeded pair or uniquely faded jeans or an extra pair of spiffy shoes. However, over the last few years I have slowly but surly begun the process of cutting back, negotiating between needs and wants, and considering the environmental impact of my oftentimes disassociated desire for every cornerstone of American material life.

When was it that the bamboozling of name-brands start to confound me? How early on was it that my every step in the Diaspora become synonymous with Nike, Guayaberas gave way to Hilfiger, and Clorox begin to lighten my pigmented cultural center?

How has Clorox® affected you?

President Castro (some would say Dictator) as you all might know has fallen ill, if not yet died and turned undead thanks to a little propaganda hocus pocus, Cohiba smoke and re-refurbished circa 1950's mirrors.

As you can all imagine this has turned into a revolutionary cry of disbelief, or that of an oppressed/exiled people’s glint of hope. The contextual dichotomies of the many facets of the arguments surrounding Castro are endless. They range far beyond the simple constructs of Cold War politics and set the stage for a back and forth of Marxist vs. Capitalist, religion vs. institution of power, civil liberties vs. police states, America vs. the rest of the world, Embargo vs. just deserves, banana republic gone rebel vs. Gap wants to set up sweat-shop, and so on and so on.

May we invoke the dues ex machina now? I guess your right, if it were that easy La Caridad del Cobre (our Lady of Charity/ Cuba’s patron saint) would have probably sunk the entire Cuban naval force by now or Castro would have been the equivalent of a Kofi Annan in a South American conglomerate larger then Chaves and Evo’s backyards.

Am I ranting? I think it’s that freedom of speech crap which makes us feel so entitled to always give our, perhaps, uninvited opinions. I’d give it up any day for universal health care and third world sanitation. Or not.

All in all the man brings up a lot of feelings here are some I found on the BBC’s forum.

I love the BBC. Its hard core real shit. None of that Americanized Protestant washed media jambalaya. No, they say it how it is. Today’s headlines read:

The world's top scientists have joined forces to call for "evidence-based" teaching of evolution in schools.

A statement signed by 67 national science academies says evidence on the origins of life is being "concealed, denied, or confused" in some classes.

Stuff like that really gets me thinking...

I was raised in a very Catholic family where neither God nor creation was up for open discussion, let alone challenge. My family believed that creation like all things began during the time of Genesis. Forget fossil records or the carbon dating of items that contradict the Christian account of things. Such questions were a faux pas. I accepted that the earth and all life including man was a one week creation by the Almighty. According to the good book, the dinosaurs never existed, so forget you ever went to the Museum of Natural History, and woman, not man, thanks to a rib was last in the creative chain of events.

I had a really hard time buying into all of this. I once told my family that I thought that God was perhaps something that people made up, sort of like Santa Clause, to force us to be good. For this I was sent to weekly bible classes, which only furthered my disapproval of theological vagueness and cosmological questioning. This resulted in a life long continuum of open questions, a not-so-easy feat considering my spiritual beliefs and deo-centric cosmological understanding of the universe.

The problem lay not in wanting to choose between Creationism and Darwinian sides, but in finding a middle ground that would accommodate my deep desire for a God and the irrefutable findings of the scientific world. I was faced with many hard questions. What made it most difficult was not the accessible scientific and philosophical theories available. The real challenge was in the aspect of challenge itself. To entertain say for example Darwinist theory, one is required a momentary abandonment of fixed cosmological resiliency, no matter how absurd. How could I even begin to question cosmological shenanigans of human construction, let alone a spiritual force I based my life around, a three letter word I am programmed to capitalize?

So I asked of myself, Is the idea of intelligent design really that intelligent?

God and evolution do not seem to mix well. We seemly have Darwin to thank for this. It however wasn’t Darwin’s intention to start an anti-god catalyst of sorts. He was not against the idea of a God. What his findings resulted in was a Godless theory of evolution. It is simply a theory that allows for the possibility of a deity without blinding ourselves to observable truths, the likes of genes and fossil records, the best supporters of godless evolutionary theory.

The previously mentioned provide a strong case against theories of intelligent design. Intelligent Design in fact only seems applicable to man’s toying with the natural state of things. For example, where is the hand of God during man’s selective breeding of certain animal breeds? Can we justifiably argue that God intended for the creation of Cocker Spaniel, Great Danes, and Chihuahuas, non reproductive donkeys, ligers or other hybrids?

Natural selection has indeed become more than biological phenomenon. Man has been able to learn from nature’s long process and began its own process of un-natural selection which results in most of the new and hybrid species of plant and animal life which one day might even take the place of many of its weaker Eden originating cousins.

Gene variation is another great indicator that life originated as a long process of mutation as opposed to the result of an unseen deity’s one week fling with creation. Biological variation is endless. The fossil record indicates that many of the living species of today are merely the descendents of similar species no longer present. Genes provide a much more conclusive and believable explanation then Fundamentalist and Creationalist arguments. One can literally trace genetic code all the way back to most primal of single celled organisms. Random mutation and heritable variation are much easier to swallow then all of life, including T-rex and platypus, being created when the earth was four days old. After all, life did not simply subside and become a fixed celestial happenstance.

Life continues to take its own shape. It molds to fill niches, to specialize a beak for a certain flower, to warm the skin as climates change, every now and again to produce a needless cancer or the beneficial resistance to a certain synthetic strain of man-made antibiotic.

All in all, it is easy to accept that there was an unseen hand responsible for present day life. This was not however the unseen ethereal makings of the heavens but the process of time. If God is to be considered an unseen force which has no physical properties, then perhaps the law of time is as close to Godly creative force as we might explain. Time, being the alpha and omega, its starting point the big bang and its ending although plausible will forever, like that of intelligent design, remain improvable.

The Bible says, “We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:18) and so is the ongoing sporadic, at times purposeful, variations of the tree of life. It is the constant change of time and variables that hold true to our abstract notions of divinity but ultimately not divinity alone.

Quantum Physics, space-time, worm-holes, time travel, thermodynamics and Relativity. Just when I was comfortable with my earthly reality I am bombarded by questions of the infinite. And so my acquaintance with cosmology begins…

∞What is infinity? Where does infinity start and where does it end? Where does forever originate if not from somewhere towards nowhere and can this paradox simultaneously exist? The question of infinity is a perplexing one. It is implicit in nature and most importantly in that of our imaginations. We can never escape or get away from the questions, of what if and what happens next. These are the very same questions that allow for man’s obsession with the question of the immeasurable to remain a continuum amidst the context of continuities.

There are cycles of life, nature and heavenly orbits that man has witnessed as far as recorded history and oral tradition will allow. The orbits of the sun and moon, the raise and fall of tides, the cyclic change of seasons, the seemingly boundless life cycles of nature, the number of leaves in a forest or particles of sand on a beach, the once distant horizon and the construction of our gods have all plagued our finite existence with questions of the infinite.

The infinite is an inescapable and immeasurable conundrum. Even beyond Mathematical implications the question of infinity has always paralleled that of history’s theological constructs. Humanity’s conception (construction) of God, our need for a hereafter, our cultural ideals and global values regarding the continuation of life and “spirit”, create an essential backdrop for our cosmological need for the abstractness of infinitude.It is a necessary law which allows our objective fixed notion of reality the endless parameters of fixed possibility.

How does one approach the problem of infinity when a set value could never exist to confine said measure? I can’t really say that I have an answer. However, I do understand that 1+ ∞, will still equal infinity. The fact alone that I can conceive such a thought and have the language to do so is proof that man’s entire notion of reality is dependent on it. I have heard stories of lifelong deaf-mutes who are finally thought to sign explain that even before they obtained language, they understood the concept of infinity.

Interesting right? The abstract theories of mathematics which governs our lives also irrefutably support the objective presence of the infinities. Even when notions of God are unobtainable physical truths, we can say that present day mathematics in essence strengthen the possibility of Godliness based on its mathematical support of something as difficult to grasp as forever and ever.

The prevailing laws of the universe based on Einstein’s theory of relativity (you know that whole E=MC2 thing) proves the evidence of a continually expanding indefinable universe. All of our non-evidence of infinity seems to be very evident in its implications. Despite the fact that we can’t put a number on it or reach the end-of-the-line limits of our universe, we have the inner galaxies of the imagination realm where continuation thrives.

Infinity seems to be the only existential truth we can claim without ever having to prove.

"Causachun coca! Wañuchun yanquis!
(¡Viva la coca! Yankee go home!" )
-Evo Morales

Let me get this straight. A 46 year old cocaine dealer and llama herder becomes President of Bolivia and is now talking anti-free-market rhetoric. He must have forgotten about the fruitful laws of supply and demand while he contributed to crack cocaine baby statistics and fattened his wallet.

The funny thing is that he wants to ride the oppression bandwagon. "I wish to tell you, my Indian brothers, that the 500-year indigenous and popular campaign of resistance has not been in vain," Mr. Morales told the cheering crowd.

Unbelievable! He can glorify the coca plant all he wants. I understand the cultural significance that the plant has historically had for his people, but chewing the leaves as an energetic narcotic is a lot different then mass producing kilos for the demanding regnum principatus.

Did I mention that this guy it fantasying about nationalization? Marx and Engels might be a bit too complicated for him to comprehend but his fluency in bullsh*t, may help.

It sounds like another police state in the making. If the accumulation of wealth is so unimportant why dose he not use his coca cash to build some basic infrastructure for his indigenous brethren? He can start by providing dental care for all the coca weakened enamel smiles of his people. Then, by confiscating his coca fields, returning them to the citizens, and building schools on them or turning them into parks where the public can come and see the humble land once toiled by his oppressed royal Indian highness.

For full story click here.

Dear Joe,

When it comes to politics and economics conflict is an unavoidable fact. Any matter of politics or economics is one of friction and certain aspects of it (politics & economics) just happen to rub me the wrong way.

I will always be a firm critic of the affects that militaristic capitalist states (such as ours) have on societies, both local and foreign, and recognize the frictions that stem from those imbalances of power and goods. However, I think we should save the rhetoric for Political Theory or Philosophy 101, unless you actually don’t like choosing what you can buy, sell, or want -someone else telling you what is ok for you to do, read, think and say. Screw that, I rather see every square inch of the world privatized.

I will tell you this much. True freedom is in the power of speech, choice, ideology, and every other civil liberty that the Bush Administration is slowly destroying and long gone in Cuba, China, and anywhere else that’s toyed with communist propaganda. Utopia is a beautiful word but not when it requires restraint, violence and overall human suffrage. Marxism, although an incredibly well thought out system, has many downfalls. It may perhaps be centuries before any such ideology prevails and capitalism, if ever, implodes. I agree that constructs and notions of class are at times difficult and very sad truths. However, no one ever referred to Fidel, Mao, Lenin, or the Christ-likened gun tooting Che as commoners, except for maybe themselves or those who feared a firing squad execution. Common people do not live like those men do/did nor are responsible for the forcible deaths and harsh imprisonment of thousands of commoners. If socialist systems are as egalitarian as they preach, then why aren’t there equal allowances for the mindsets of citizens who oppose such measures of human constraint? Why are they all centralized police states? Why are these “liberators” fattening up while the common masses starve? Why aren’t any of them winning humanitarian-of-the-year awards?

It is best to let the masses shop and make choices on how to spend the fruits of their proletarian labor. Capitalism can be very soothing, after all it comes equipped with a host of vocabulary such as shop, new (and or improved), credit, private, variety, mine, yours, for sale, on sale, bargain, and when all these bring way too many bills, bankruptcy.

I figure that if I am going to live in tatters I rather it is due to anything other then the clothing stores being for-tourists-only.

Do you like the idea of living in a police state tourist-apartheid society? Nothing heroic about that, is there?

(In response to questions posed on the Che exhibit post)

Everyone on the train couldn’t help but look up and wonder, perhaps sympathize, about the unfortunate stroke of luck that befell on Anonymous’ friend, and Pappy “two.” At first it would seem that Fish were to blame but the bottom line was that everyone connected to the misfortune was, in one way or another, fish fucked. There were many open questions and many unstated facts regarding the situation. The one prevailing fact was that this story actually consisted of zero fishermen, and their unwanted catch. We have all played the role of both fisherman and prey at one point or another in our larger then life pond. The real risk is not in the act of catch-and-release per se but in our overall knowledge of the sport, how often we choose to cast our nets and the amount of risk we take when we find a specimen worthy of our attentions.

Fish is fish, but not all are safe to toy with in a haphazard fashion. The proper precautions and gear is needed. It is a big and not-so-very-safe pond, protect yourself, and protect others; wear a condom; don’t get fish fucked.

On a serious note.

There’s a wealth of reasons why we fail to protect our selves in the context of sexual health. The many factors range from social/ psychosocial issues, cultural norms, feelings of inadequacy when communicating with sexual partners, institutional suspicion, fear of HIV testing, access to healthcare and most importantly an overall lack of skills and community education.

Simple steps towards good sexual health:

-If you are having any kind of sex: Get tested regularly (1 or 2 times a year)
-Always wear a latex or polyurethane condom for penetrative sex.
-Know both your and your partner’(s) status.
-Find service providers and testing sites in your area.
-Find out what your risks are and the steps you can take to reduce them.
-Lower your number of sexual partners.
-Learn about other STDs. (sexually transmitted diseases)
-Remember that sex and drugs often equal bad decisions.
-Educate yourself.

My bi-annual test day was November 9th. It was a quick, simple and pain free procedure. I was given the OraQuick Advance ™ test, which has a 99.98 percentile of accuracy. After a quick swabbing of my gums and a 30min wait, I was on my way home with a smile and the self-assurance of an informed individual.

Do you know? Find out. Get tested and stay healthy.