Cubanizm

Sleep has not come easily these last few days. There is a lot on my mind I guess, and as always it seems when you're just starting to overcome one obstacle the universe throws you another curb ball, for the sake of keeping you on your feet and one's humility in check.

A funny thing, the universe is. A few days back it provided me the opportunity to face several truths in my life that I was not ready to face, and so I allowed pride to overcome a chance to gain a lesson in humility. The universe always prevails, as I should know, and as it did.

Yesterday, as I sat and meditated over the last few days, I thought much about recent shortcomings and how I had allowed pride to make me less the man I would rather become and so it again offered me a way out except this time, it was much less favorable than the recent opportunity given.

That's the funny thing about meditating or spirituality in general, not only does it provide one with a tremendous amount of insight and allow love and truth into one's life but it also forces one to face the truths we would rather not, and such was my lesson.

And so, I learned that one can try and rationalize their motives for not facing truth ad nauseum but ultimately truth is truth and if one can't be real with ones self, how can one hope to be so with others and/or hope for that same level of blessing in their journey?

My shortcomings may have made me feel to be a smaller man but the life lesson ultimately a better one.

It has been several weeks now since I have been out of employment. I was not ready to fully talk about it then and hence the ambiguity of my last post and the lack of posts there of.

I do not feel entitled to any woes-to-me as I am just one in five million on the same boat without paddles, so I ask that you save any comments and inquiries of concern for the Feed The Children website, but a prayer or two is always welcomed.

It has been, and continues to be a difficult and humbling experience. Not knowing what tomorrow will bring is as much liberating a freedom, as lack of financial means is a binding hindrance.

It will be perhaps another week or two before unemployment insurance kicks in and even then making ends meet will prove to be one hell of a resourcefulness challenge.

To top things off, my phone service is kaput, which means even if I wanted to send out resumes at this time to potential employers, they will have little means other than an email address to directly contact me.

When life goes haywire, I like to be the optimist and think that fate is simply funneling my being to the very place it dictates I should be. The only thing is that for the most part, I feel like I am being strained through a crusty hair trap of a drain, straight into the sewer, and only then might I make it to the ample sea of endless opportunity.

I at least hope to be past the sewer stage and well on my way to an ocean of bounty.

The only problem is that I now seem to be constantly faced with the much dreaded question of, "so what is it that you do?" Hmmm, let's see how do I answer said question without sounding like a complete loser? Oh, that's right, I can't.

Chillin at Pacha...

Happy Valentines Day

There was a time when I might have gone about and seen things in a different light, manifestations of calculative malice, Machiavellian antics, unreasonable expectations, the toxicity of the small, obsessive needs to overcome personal shortcomings via the process of abusing power, the hand that I'd been dealt, tit-for-tat, you-said-he-said, and so on and so on ad nouseum...

Nowadays, I experience life in a wholly different way and as the Japanese would say, mizo ni nagashite, I set things adrift. By this it is meant that one shouldn't harbor ill feelings or hold on to that that weights you down. In other words it's a small reminder of the importance of detachment.

I meditated long and hard on the situation that lies ahead the night before. It was some time after, perhaps two full rotations of the mala later, that clarity overcame confusion and the answer became clear.

I remembered a Buddhist prayer that goes; "Grant that I may be given appropriate difficulties and sufferings on this journey so that my heart may be truly awakened and my practice of liberation and universal compassion may truly be fulfilled."

Today, destiny's red carpet will roll out before me after a much trying lesson in tolerance, patience, and humility.

What lies ahead is nothing other than a push towards a whole new beginning.